This City is a Beast Part 3: The Final Chapter

This is it, the final five delegaciones in the ol' Federal District. You know the drill: A Safety Rating of 1 means safer than a pizza at an anorexic treatment center, 10 means the same pizza, but at an Over eaters Anonymous Meeting (as in very, very unsafe for the slow kids in the class). Without further delay:

Can't wait to get to number 15...

12. Cuauhtemoc: Named after one of the last Aztec emperors, famous really  because of his getting his feet burned by the Spanish conquistadors during a torture session. This delegacion includes the Centro, or Downtown, which is, if you look at the map, anything but the center of the city. This, boys and girls, is because in the past 100 years or so, the city has grown at an astronomical rate, with the population going from 500,000 people in 1900 to about 21,000,000 in 2009. The Centro is home to the ol' Cathedral, the Palacio Nacional, the Zocalo, the Museum of the Templo Mayor (which has a friggin' full blown pyramid in it, no shit), countless smaller museums and historic buildings, and my personal favorite, historic cantinas. Back in San Diego, there was a time when I lived downtown and it was awesome. Bars and restaurants galore. Living in Mexico City's downtown, however, is a really, really bad idea. Mainly due to congestion, both from cars and from people. The Zocalo is the rally point of almost EVERY major mass demonstration that takes place in the city (and as I posted earlier, there are a LOT of these in the city), has one way streets, and a shitload of foot traffic. Safety Rating: 4. The large amount of tourism to this area means that you'll be relatively safe around the Zocalo and the surrounding area. But wander off the beaten path and you will regret it. Fun Fact: This is the area of the city that's slowly sinking, but since the city is 7000 feet above sea level, I don't exactly see it submerged underwater anytime soon.

13. Gustavo A. Madero: Despite this being a pretty large area of the city, all I know about it is that has a Basilica to the Virgin of Guadalupe, a hell of a lot of people, the occasional factory and slums. Safety Rating: 7, Don't Come Here. Nothing to see here, nothing to do here, and for some reason, almost every time the cops find bodies in a car or weapon caches, it always seems to be in this delegacion. Fun Fact: Every year, people from around the country make pilgrimages to the Basilica of the Virgin of Guadalupe, which unfortunately leads to mass casualties when people either get run over or buses carrying said pilgrims tip over, spilling their contents on the highway.

14. Tláhuac: All you need to know about this place is that two cops were burned to death here in 2004 by an angry mob and a third was beaten within an inch of his life. The cops aren't even safe here. Safety Rating: 9. Small town mentality coupled with a penchant for vigilantism never leads to good things. My personal opinion of this area after visiting a few museums in this delegacion: backwater shit hole.

15. Iztapalapa: Where o where to begin with this one... Iztapalapa reminds me of "District 9", not the plot but the actual district in the movie (sans aliens). Most of the area is just one gargantuan shantytown, with the rest being comprised of dilapidated brick and cement houses and stores. The area is also home to some 1.8 million people (although who the hell knows how many actually live there since the census people didn't exactly stick around to do a thorough job), making it one of the largest districts in Mexico City. By the way, it's also the poorest district in the city. And the most crime filled. Unlike some of the other districts I've covered, which have the occasional museum or historic building or whatever, there is absolutely no reason I can think of to go to Iztapalapa. Safety Rating: 10 - Mini War zone. Gang killings, random muggings, burglary, hit and runs, this area has it all (yet I'd still rather live here than in Northern Mexico). If you enjoy, you know, being alive, do not come here. Fun Fact: Iztapalapa is also referred to as Iztapa"lacra" (lacra meaning scum).

16. Iztacalco: Contains the Palacio de los Deportes (some damn fine concerts have been held here), the Autodromo Hermanos Rodriguez, and the Foro Sol (which is the best concert venue in the city), all in close proximity to one another. Those are the only three things worth seeing in this delegacion. Safety Rating: 4, Not Too Shabby. It's not really a bad place to visit, it just looks awful. Fun Fact: I used to mock Mexican baseball (played at the Foro Sol) until I actually went to a game. I think cheap beer in massive quantities has a way of making the game pants-shittingly awesome.

There you have it, all 16 Delegaciones in Mexico City described in mediocre detail and with my own questionable opinion thrown into the mix. All kidding aside, please don't go to Iztapalapa or Azcapotzalco.

This City is a Beast Part 2: This Time It's Personal

Last post I covered six of the sixteen districts in Mexico City before realizing that most of you moving to this city will probably never have to set foot in some of these unless you're into some pretty illegal shit. So, I'll try to deal with the remaining ten districts (or delegaciones) in a manner that is both brief and, hopefully, informative. Let's get to it:

Note: 1 on the Safety Rating = Good, 10 = Good God Man, Run!

Numero 7: Coyoacan. The haunt of hippies, pseudo-intellectuals, gringos like me and the elderly. Famous residents included Leon Trotsky (till they brained him with a fricking icepick, well, something like an icepick http://www.cracked.com/article_16822_7-historical-figures-who-were-absurdly-hard-kill.html), Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo....along with several ex-presidents, ex-senators, ex-congressmen, retired actors. But Trotsky, Rivera and Kahlo are the big three you should remember, since I have yet to come across one of my fellow Americans who knows who Miguel de la Madrid was/is (is he still alive?). Coyoacan is littered with colonial style buildings which enhance bars and restaurants (my personal favorite area being the Centro de Coyoacan, but not Centro Coyoacan, which is a mall, that little de really makes a difference). Safety Rating: A Nice and Solid 2 - Coyoacan is still part of the city, never forget that... Fun Fact: The chairs in the bar El Hijo del Cuervo in Coyoacan's historic center are the most uncomfortable pieces of shit I've ever sat in, yet curiously, after that 4th pitcher of beer, they become Laz-E-Boys.

8. Venustiano Carranza: Named after a former president (by former I mean, assassinated) who by all accounts was a decent enough guy with a ridiculous name, this place is a no-go-zone. The VC, as I am referring to it since typing out the full name is a pain in the ass, is where the airport is. That's it. You have no business going elsewhere in this delegacion. Safety Rating: 8, You Should Be Running - I don't think of myself as a person who scares easily (I live in this city after all), but God help you if you get lost in this area at night. Fun Fact: Getting lost while coming back from the airport in this area I have seen some shit you wouldn't even believe, let's leave it at that.

9. Magdalena Contreras: Nothing to see here people. Safety Rating: 5, Meh. Residential area. Fun Fact: http://www.mcontreras.df.gob.mx/turismo/esculturas.html there's, uh, statues!

10. Xochimilco (pronounced So-chi-meel-ko): By far the best thing to see here are the canals that date back to when the Aztecs ruled the region. When I was in high school, you could drink on the little boats that navigate the canals, now it seems, the Man doesn't let you do that anymore (though for the right price I'm sure you could get away with it) since, as always, some drunken moron had to drown and just fucking ruin it for the rest of us.

You learn to ignore the brightly colored boats after that first bottle of Bacardi

Oh, and Xochimilco has a huge population, making it, like any other densely populated area in the city, insanely dangerous. Safety Rating: 7, Insanely Dangerous - Best way to organize a trip down here is with more than 10 people, I shit you not. Safety in numbers people. Fun Fact: The water in the canals tastes like lime, or at least that's what the local kids who were swimming in that green sludge told us back in 2001.

11. Azcapotzalco: There's 32,000 people per square mile in this delegacion, and it's only 13 square miles big. The only thing I know about Azcapotzalco is that gringos like me should never go there. A couple of words that come to mind when I think of this area: bleak, poverty, dangerous, gunshot. Safety Rating: 8, Don't Ever, Ever Come Here. Just an awful place. Fun Fact: Despite having a respectably large crime rate, Azcapotzalco is nowhere near as dangerous as Ciudad Juarez, or the rest of Northeastern Mexico for that matter.

I'll Get to the Last 5 As Soon As Is Humanly Possible I Feel Like It.

This City is a Beast Part 1

In this edition I will cover the various ethnic and religious groups that inhabit Mexico City....just kidding, I'm going to be a snob and tell you what areas to avoid like the plague.

Shitty map, I know, I know...

I'm going to rate the following districts on a scale of violent crime from 1 to 10. 1 being rural 1950's Utah and 10 being present day Afghanistan levels of violence. So let's get started...

1. Benito Juarez: Middle-class neighborhood currently undergoing urban renewal (basically they're getting rid of the hobos and building a hell of a lot of condos).Notable sights are the World Trade Center, and, um, that's about it. Safety Rating: 3 - Not a bad place to live compared to some of the other areas on this post, but carjackings and armed robbery are still somewhat commonplace. Fun Fact: This area is now the de facto center of the city due to the ridiculous expansion of the city in the south.

2. Miguel Hidalgo: THE tourist hub of the city. Includes Polanco, Reforma, and Chapultepec (among other areas), along with sights such as Chapultepec Castle, the Museum of Anthropology, the Torre Mayor (tallest building in Latin America up until recently, which is kind of sad really) and the American and British Embassies. Would be a great place to live, if it weren't for all the damn mass demonstrations in Reforma that turn the area into one big traffic jam some days. Safety Rating: 2 - I'd give this area a 1, if it weren't for all the people I know who have been mugged in Polanco (which may or may not give me an unfair bias) and since the area has the most exclusive shopping areas in, well, the country, you're really just asking for trouble if you go out here at night. Fun Fact: The Torre Mayor can withstand an 8.5 richter scale earthquake (the equivalent of 84.4 megatons of TNT, no shit), so if you're going to work someplace here, try to get a job at one of the firms there.

3. Milpa Alta: As an expat or tourist, you have no business coming here, seriously. Sights include dirt farms, abandoned homes, scary alleys and stray dogs. Safety Rating: 7 - Just don't come down here gringo. Fun Fact: I got nothing, honestly.

4. Cuajimalpa: Includes Santa Fe (a.k.a. the most modern residential and office buildings in the country, plus big ass mall), Contadero (mansions of ex-presidents and actors just minutes away from slums) and my personal favorite, golf courses galore. This area would be amazing, except for the fact that the area used to be a fucking landfill before they started a massive construction program in the 70's, digging out the trash but leaving an enormous tunnel network underground. Moving here is not a bad idea, but you may regret it when you put down $500,000 (USD, mind you) for your 35th floor, 4 bedroom apartment and you have to deal with your first big earthquake. Safety Rating: 1 and 6 - 1 if you live in "Ciudad" Santa Fe (picture 1), 6 if you live in the "colorful" part of Contadero (picture 2).     

Picture 1

Picture 2

5. Alvaro Obregon: Quiet, mostly residential, and surprisingly clean. My only beef with the area is the abundance (or over-abundance) of DUI checkpoints in an area known for its bars and restaurants. Probably not a good place to live if you're under 35, since there's not a lot to see or do during the day. Safety Rating: 3 - Drunks + Closing Time = Trouble. Well, there's also a fair amount of carjackings and muggings, just like any other part of the city, really. Fun Fact: Avenida de la Paz, in San Angel, has the most bars per square mile that I've seen in this city in my 8 years of living here.

6. Tlalpan: Besides having a weird, weird name, this district is also massively enormously gigantically huge. I'm not kidding when I say Tlalpan at least twice as big as my hometown of San Diego, California, both in area (of San Diego's downtown, let's not get carried away and include suburbia) and population (let's include suburbia and, what the hell, Anaheim). Safety Rating: Variable but I say 5 - Due to the enormity of the district, which could be a city in its own right, there is both nice, clean, crime-free areas and dingy, urban, shitholes where crime is rampant. Fun Fact: I still get lost here.

How to Take a Cab

For those of you new to the city, driving will seem like a suicide mission (notice how I don't say "at first driving will seem like a suicide mission", trust me, you never get used to it). People here drive like fucking maniacs, and that is not in any way an understatement. It's like there's someone giving away free money somewhere in the city and everybody knows about it but you. Cab drivers, truck drivers, hell, even soccer moms drive like they're at Le Mans. 

Don't despair, salvation comes in the form of a mid-nineties design Nissan sedan: 

Not the prettiest gal, but ol' Bessie will get you where you want to go

Why Would I Take a Cab?: Cabs are the difference between a night spent sleeping it off at home, or a night of overwhelming terror in jail. And don't get me started on how cheap they are compared to their American counterparts, 70 pesos (about $5.50 USD) gets you across town safe and sound. In some cases, depending on how much you drive, taking cabs to the office and back may end up being cheaper than what you pay for gas. Cabs are good, is I guess the gist of this post. 

How to Take a Cab: I really don't care where you are from in the States, but down here, taking a cab is pretty different than in most major American cities. You don't take cabs on the street. Unless, of course, you feel like playing Russian Roulette with your life (more on that in a sec...). You do want to learn the word sitio. As in sitio de taxis, or in English, Taxi Stand. Since these generally have to be licensed by the city to operate (the rules get a little iffy outside of the city), which makes them a hell of a lot safer than street cabs (gypsy cabs if you will), where, up until recently, the only requirement was a car, some paint, and a driver's license.

Why Can't I Take a Street Cab?: If it makes you feel good about yourself, by all means take one. Just don't come crying to me when you find yourself wearing a hood over you head, in a dingy basement, while the kidnappers decide what to do with you. Or you could find yourself in just a straight up mugging situation, in which case your only worry is whether or not the cab driver (or his accomplice)  will shoot you even if you give him your wallet/purse. 

The smug face of terror...

Should I Tip The Driver?: You don't have to unless you feel like it, the driver will probably not chase you down demanding a tip.

Tip: Know where the hell you are going when you get in a cab. If the cab driver smells indecision, he will take the longest route possible with the most traffic and run the meter up as much as he can. 

The Worst Word in the Spanish Dictionary: Manifestacíon

If you're not a violent person, you will be after you get stuck in traffic during one of these

DISCLAIMER:  I am neither for or against any political party here in Mexico. All in all, I'm pretty ambivalent towards politics these days, both here and back home in the States. Think of me as a hard drinking, heavy smoking version of Switzerland.

As with any major city, the good ol' Federal District (or D.F., Mexico City's official name) has its share o' problems. Besides, you know, crime and pollution, the worst of these problems are mass demonstrations. I only wish I were kidding when I say they happen almost every single day. The worst part is: there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Politics: Now, I'm going to try to remain as neutral as I can in this blog with regard to politics in Mexico, since it's really not my place to criticize other country's governments. But in this case, I can say with all honesty that these damn mass demonstrations take place with at least the passive endorsement of the city's government. And, well, it's not entirely unjustified. The name of the game here is voter acquisition, plain and simple. The PRD, or Democratic Revolutionary Party (gotta hand it to political parties down here, they love to put "Revolutionary" everywhere they can), which represents the Center-Left (or more recently, as of 2006, Left-Left), currently controls the city government.

Now, I'm not going to say they haven't done anything good for the city (though some of their laws seem to bite me in the ass...damn smoking law...), but their passive attitude of not lifting a finger to at least limit these manifestacíones so as to not hurt their chances come election time really just outweighs the good they've done. And since, curiously enough, most of the demonstrations these days are done by Leftist groups or unions, which, at least nominally, are "allies" (if the term even applies) of the PRD, or it's subsidiary parties (oh yeah, by the way, in certain conditions, parties can form coalitions down here) it's hardly surprising to find them occupying areas such as Reforma (Mexico City's financial center), the Zocalo (the large plaza in the center of Downtown), or the outside of Los Pinos (kind of like the Mexican White House), with little or no consequence.

That plaza supposedly holds 200,000 people. Scary when you think about it...

And you better believe me when I tell you that the Federal Government isn't going to do much about them either. Ever since the whole pesky 1968 Tlatelolco Massacre (go ahead, Wiki it, I'll wait...), the government seems to get cold feet when dealing with protests. Hell, it can be just 6 guys marching holding a banner and the cops will do absolutely NOTHING to stop them from messing with traffic.

Seriously, to hell with you people

The best thing to do in these situations is to find an alternate route to wherever you're headed. If not, then you are truly screwed.

I guess this is inevitable in a country when for so long the government just told you to shut the hell up and get back to work. But once they (el Gobierno) opened the floodgates and made mass demonstrations legal (you could protest stuff before, but the odds were not exactly in your favor on the whole "not getting shot" thing), the shit really hit the fan down here. With people protesting anything from the price of corn, to the 2006 presidential elections, pretty soon they'll be protesting crap like TV show cancellations and soccer games.

Just be thankful you didn't have to deal with the 2006 Presidential Elections, which went down right about the time I moved back here, and the MASSIVE goddamn protests they sparked. 

And you thought I was joking about the massive part

For about 3 months, Reforma was basically no man's land, with protest camps set up right in the middle of the financial district. Oh, and the goon responsible:

AMLO: Mexico's version of Hugo Chavez... Fuck this guy, seriously

And all because he claimed voter fraud, I mean, how could a guy loved in Mexico City (I use the term "loved" very, very loosely), but hated almost everywhere else possibly lose? Now as I said above, I don't involve myself with politics down here, but even this struck me as just about the most ridiculous situation possible in an election (well, without gunfire at least). It would be like John McCain and his supporters occupying Wall Street for three months after the elections in 2008.

Long story short, the protest started with a bang (not literally) and ended with a whimper after a few months of just brutally pummeling Mexico City's economy (delivering a particularly savage beating to the hotel industry in Reforma). Aside from the massive protest in 2006, nothing really has come close to it, thankfully (shit, I just remembered there's elections in 2012....time to start packing my bags, I guess). Funny story about AMLO (Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador), the PRD Presidential candidate, he proved he was absolutely bat shit insane by inaugurating himself as the "legitimate" President. Politics down here are a mess, let's just leave it at that...

If you were to lazy to read the whole blog post, here's what you need to know: 

- As an expat or tourist, NEVER state your own opinion regarding politics unless: A) you know the person you're chatting with pretty well, or B) you know what the hell you're talking about.


- If you ever wind up stuck in a manifestacíon at some point and you think it can't possibly get any worse, just be thankful you weren't stuck in traffic when the nudists in the Zocalo

- From what I've learned over the years, all the political parties down here are the bad guy.

- Stay the hell away from Reforma or the Centro on holidays or whenever there's a government event somewhere (like the State of the Union address they give on September 1st).  

Smoking and the Law

Evil never looked so good...

Now this post is only really geared to smokers, so if you don't smoke (or plan on smoking in the near future) feel free to skip this.  

Where you can smoke: Since 2008, smoking laws down here have gotten increasingly harsher. In the good ol' days (1998 - 2008, for me anyways), you could smoke wherever the hell you wanted and most restaurants didn't even bother with smoking sections. Nowadays, restaurants and bars (and yes, even clubs) are officially non-smoking zones. But, this being Mexico, there's always a loophole.

Restaurants noticed that they were losing money due to people, who would regularly order drinks and coffee to accompany their after-meal cigarette, were just getting the hell out of Dodge after dinner. So, to get around this, most places just said "to hell with it" and just lopped a section off of the restaurant/bar and created smoking sections that, theoretically complied with the law, since you really weren't smoking "in" the restaurant. Some places, however, just said "screw it" and opened up windows where the smoking section used to be.

Sadly for us smokers, the government got wise to the scheme and just started closing places down, especially around where I live. As such, we smokers have been reduced to having to go outside and light up (what are we, bums?). Which, now that it's the rainy season, is just freakin' great...

I'm guessing we'll all be using these by next year...

       

Clubs: Clubs mostly don't give a flying f### about the smoking law. Since most of the club owners just pay off the cops when they do inspections (money really does make the world go round), you can get away with smoking. So if you are a non-smoker (and apparently the vast majority of the world's population is these days) and you feel like going clubbing, get ready to smell like an ashtray once you get home.

One of the funniest things I've seen clubs do down here to "comply" with the law is to simply not use ashtrays. I guess the argument is supposed to go something like "There's clearly no smoking going on here! Do you see any ashtrays on the tables?". Instead, you just get, in some cases and places, cut up aluminum cans that serve as makeshift ashtrays. Although, I do question the logic behind putting sharp, metal objects on tables in closed environments where you can literally drink yourself stupid. It's like a recipe for the most heinous bar fight ever.

Like this, but filled to the brim with cigarette butts

 The moral of today's story: Smokers are a tenacious lot. Where there's a will there's always a way.

Oh, before I forget, VERY IMPORTANT: If you are one of those incredibly annoying people who make coughing noises around smokers to get them to move, down here, you're really just asking for trouble. My advice, unless you want to catch a severe beating or the odd cigarette burn, just don't do it.

Boozing around town: Where you can and can't drink

    A good way to get arrested in this city is to drink on the street (which includes open containers of alcoholic beverages). Mexico City is NOT Cancun or Vegas. The cops here are in no way screwing around with that law. Pushing your luck like that is a great way to spend two or three days in jail (unless you work for the embassy and have diplomatic immunity, which, if that's the case you should probably consider rehab). Anyways, drinking on the street here isn't exactly considered classy and seems to be the domain of hobos and crazy folk.   

Pictured: Cops in no way screwing around

Now that I've added some info on what should be just plain common sense, let's skip right to the good part: where to drink. Now, drinking is a huge part of life down here, and that goes double if you're here on business, since most business deals and meetings with clients take place in a restaurant/bar setting. That's not to say that the population consists of raging alcoholics, but if you plan on doing business or living down here, you'd better learn to hold your drink.

Don't worry if you absolutely hate tequila, most people I know don't even touch the stuff. The real poison of choice for the masses seems to be beer and rum (Bacardi being by far the most popular choice), personally I drink the same stuff I drink back in the states: good ol' vodka. Truth be told, you can get just about anything to drink down here, from ridiculously old and expensive scotch to absinthe (which I highly recommend trying at least once, it's really not that bad). For all your booze shopping needs try: La Europea (kind of like an über-liquor store), and strangely enough the department stores Liverpool and the Palacio de Hierro (I still have no clue what they were going for with those store names, I mean, is Liverpool reknowned for its' fashion?). 

If you simply must do your drinking in a public environment (you people disgust me...), trust me, go to a bar. Nightclubs in this city seem to be the domain of damn dirty teenagers with more money than brains. It's kind of a right of passage in Mexico City society, you go to clubs until your early twenties (like 22 tops) and then you upgrade to bars. One important caveat, what kind of club you go to is also important, clubs that play rock/heavy metal/alternative like the Bulldog Cafe are a socially acceptable place to go to up until you're in your thirties. The basic rule of thumb here is: if they at some point play live music or a famous band (for example I saw Radiohead at the Bulldog Cafe once many moons ago) deems the venue worthy of a visit, you can go there in your mid-late-twenties. If not, and it's just a so-called fresa (translation: preppy) club, you're just going to look like the creepy old man/cougar who is trying oh so desperately hard to look young.

Since I'm kind of gearing this blog toward twentysomethings like me, I'm going to stick to the safe bet: bars and snobby restaurants. Now, I'm not telling you not to go to the, ahem, scenic parts of town (Downtown especially), because there are actually some very good places to eat and drink down there. What I am telling you is, unless you want to get A) hopelessly lost B) stuck in the middle of a mass protest (oh yeah, those happen here like almost daily) or C) stuck in some of the most ridiculous traffic ever, I would steer clear from there until you have gotten your bearings around town. But if you simply MUST see the Zocalo (that enormous plaza in the middle of Downtown, or El Centro), take a cab or a tour bus (Turibus), stay the hell away from the subway (which gets you there fast, at the cost of your wallet, since in some busy stations, the subway is swarming with pickpockets) and buses (just because, well, the drivers drive like they are on shrooms and they're not exactly the most hygenic of environments).

The areas you really want to go for are places like San Angel, Santa Fe, Polanco and Reforma which should be your chosen stomping ground if you like louge-type places with snobby clientele (who doesn't, am I right?), the Condesa (although parking is a real bitch) and Coyoacan if you're feeling a little bohemian and want some good places to do your drinkin' but don't feel like paying a whole lot. Anything outside of these districts is a bit iffy.

As I wrote above, the Centro is a great place to go if you want to check out museums (which are surprisingly good) and the famous Cathedral (yawn), but due to the monstrous amount of traffic and sheer urban chaos, it should be avoided like the plague. That being said, I recommend La Opera, one of the city's oldest cantinas: good food, good booze (and not too expensive), and, oh yeah, a bullet hole in the ceilling made by Pancho "Don't Mess With Me Or I'll Cut You" Villa back during the Mexican Revolution (1910 to depends on who you ask). Other places are a little more off the beaten path and require a little more familiarity with the area (which if anyone wants I'll gladly go down and do some recon), so I can't really vouch for other bars in the neighborhood.



Always a good decision

As a side note, "Estas Pedo?" means, "Are you drunk?", not "Are you fart?"... 

So what have we learned today:

- Drink on the street/sidewalk/middle of the road and the police will end you

- If you aren't a pretty adventurous person, stay away from Mexico City's Downtown, and especially don't get drunk there.

- Drinking here is pretty much the same as anywhere else in the world (well, aside from the crime and all that junk)

- If you aren't a regular drinker back home, chances are a 16 year old Mexican high school student can out drink your sorry ass.

Since I really haven't even begun to scratch the surface on the topic of drinking, I'll probably do another one of these sometime in the near future.... Next Topic: Smoking (if you don't smoke, well, good for you, do you want a medal or something?)

Mexico City... Dreary Urban Hellhole or Paradise?

    Mexico City is big, really big. With some 20 or so million inhabitants, an area of 3,000 sq. miles, and an elevation of 7,349 ft above sea level, your first impression of this city will be something along the lines of "What the F-?". Moving here is pretty daunting and most of the people I know who voluntarily chose to come here will tell you that the first few months they were here were either awful or amazing. 
 
   

     Awful, because, like moving to any new city, you're going to have to learn to make your way around town. Unfortunately, this city's streets are, pardon my French, a fucking mess. Numbers on buildings seem to have been put there just for decoration and (like in the case of my block) most of the times, they don't even pretend to follow a rational sequential order. I'd also go into the language barrier, but let's be honest, if you're moving to a country and you don't at least have a rudimentary understanding of the language, you have no business being there. That, and, well, almost EVERY single person in the service or retail industry at least knows some English or has an associate nearby who does. The whole 7,000 feet above sea level coupled with the pollution really does a number on some people, especially if you have asthma or if you're from a city that's at sea level, but if you're from Denver, you'll feel right at home.   

   

     Amazing because: You know people who already live here (you crafty buggers)

  

     Now don't get me wrong, I love it here. But learning to love this city takes time, effort, and lots of booze. I first moved down here when I was 15, and let me tell you, this city was paradise. Whereas in the States I'd have to pick up a fake ID and go to crappy dive bars, here, with the right crowd, you could get into some of the nicest clubs and bars in the country. The nightlife in this city is nothing short of amazing now (except for all those pesky police checkpoints looking for potential D.U.I's, the only law they actually seem to enforce really...), but back in 1998 is was pure madness. It was like living in New York in the 80's, with just a slightly higher crime rate. But I guess the city has changed for the better since then, even if some of my friends hate to admit it (damn smoking and open bottle laws....), but don't let the surveillance cameras on the street corners and the constantly patrolling police cars fool you, the cops down here don't even give a 1/10th of a shit about their jobs compared to cops in the good ol' U.S. of A. Depending on what side of the law you usually find yourself on, that can either be a good thing or a bad thing.

.

                       Whatever you do, don't piss them off. There ain't no Miranda Rights down here.

     
     Oh, yeah, by the way, Mexico's judicial system considers you guilty until proven innocent, so, if you get picked up for something serious, enjoy your stint in Mexican prison while awaiting trial (f.y.i, based on what I've heard from friends busted for D.U.I's, Mexican jail is really, really, really awful....).

     
     So now that I've gotten some of the basics out of the way with this post, the next post can be something fun, like, I don't know, booze....            

So here I am. A stranger in a strange land....well, not really

     I originally decided to start this blog mainly to document my latest attempt to quit smoking. This was clearly headed for disaster. As such, I've decided to keep the blog idea and just document my life living as an expat in Mexico City, along with whatever other random ideas and thoughts fill my ever so ADHD addled head. Mostly, I think this blog is headed the way of a pseudo-tourist-guide to Mexico City (at least until I get a better idea).

     Let's start with the basics: I'm a 27 year old American living in the Western Hemisphere's largest city (sorry New York) and I've lived here on and off for 10 years or so. I'm not kidding about the "largest city" part, Mexico City is friggin' huge. If you are contemplating a visit or getting transferred down here and you're not from L.A., New York or Chicago (or really any other densly populated city with mind-blowing traffic) get ready for a surprise. With a population of "Who-the-hell-knows-since-the-census-down-here-sucks" (although the best estimate puts the number at 21.2 million people) and more cars than people in my home city of San Diego, California, this city can be intimidating as hell.

     I'll try to update this blog as often as I can, but since I am probably one of the most disorganized people living in the world today, I make no promises. That is, assuming anyone actually ever reads this...