The Worst Word in the Spanish Dictionary: Manifestacíon

If you're not a violent person, you will be after you get stuck in traffic during one of these

DISCLAIMER:  I am neither for or against any political party here in Mexico. All in all, I'm pretty ambivalent towards politics these days, both here and back home in the States. Think of me as a hard drinking, heavy smoking version of Switzerland.

As with any major city, the good ol' Federal District (or D.F., Mexico City's official name) has its share o' problems. Besides, you know, crime and pollution, the worst of these problems are mass demonstrations. I only wish I were kidding when I say they happen almost every single day. The worst part is: there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Politics: Now, I'm going to try to remain as neutral as I can in this blog with regard to politics in Mexico, since it's really not my place to criticize other country's governments. But in this case, I can say with all honesty that these damn mass demonstrations take place with at least the passive endorsement of the city's government. And, well, it's not entirely unjustified. The name of the game here is voter acquisition, plain and simple. The PRD, or Democratic Revolutionary Party (gotta hand it to political parties down here, they love to put "Revolutionary" everywhere they can), which represents the Center-Left (or more recently, as of 2006, Left-Left), currently controls the city government.

Now, I'm not going to say they haven't done anything good for the city (though some of their laws seem to bite me in the ass...damn smoking law...), but their passive attitude of not lifting a finger to at least limit these manifestacíones so as to not hurt their chances come election time really just outweighs the good they've done. And since, curiously enough, most of the demonstrations these days are done by Leftist groups or unions, which, at least nominally, are "allies" (if the term even applies) of the PRD, or it's subsidiary parties (oh yeah, by the way, in certain conditions, parties can form coalitions down here) it's hardly surprising to find them occupying areas such as Reforma (Mexico City's financial center), the Zocalo (the large plaza in the center of Downtown), or the outside of Los Pinos (kind of like the Mexican White House), with little or no consequence.

That plaza supposedly holds 200,000 people. Scary when you think about it...

And you better believe me when I tell you that the Federal Government isn't going to do much about them either. Ever since the whole pesky 1968 Tlatelolco Massacre (go ahead, Wiki it, I'll wait...), the government seems to get cold feet when dealing with protests. Hell, it can be just 6 guys marching holding a banner and the cops will do absolutely NOTHING to stop them from messing with traffic.

Seriously, to hell with you people

The best thing to do in these situations is to find an alternate route to wherever you're headed. If not, then you are truly screwed.

I guess this is inevitable in a country when for so long the government just told you to shut the hell up and get back to work. But once they (el Gobierno) opened the floodgates and made mass demonstrations legal (you could protest stuff before, but the odds were not exactly in your favor on the whole "not getting shot" thing), the shit really hit the fan down here. With people protesting anything from the price of corn, to the 2006 presidential elections, pretty soon they'll be protesting crap like TV show cancellations and soccer games.

Just be thankful you didn't have to deal with the 2006 Presidential Elections, which went down right about the time I moved back here, and the MASSIVE goddamn protests they sparked. 

And you thought I was joking about the massive part

For about 3 months, Reforma was basically no man's land, with protest camps set up right in the middle of the financial district. Oh, and the goon responsible:

AMLO: Mexico's version of Hugo Chavez... Fuck this guy, seriously

And all because he claimed voter fraud, I mean, how could a guy loved in Mexico City (I use the term "loved" very, very loosely), but hated almost everywhere else possibly lose? Now as I said above, I don't involve myself with politics down here, but even this struck me as just about the most ridiculous situation possible in an election (well, without gunfire at least). It would be like John McCain and his supporters occupying Wall Street for three months after the elections in 2008.

Long story short, the protest started with a bang (not literally) and ended with a whimper after a few months of just brutally pummeling Mexico City's economy (delivering a particularly savage beating to the hotel industry in Reforma). Aside from the massive protest in 2006, nothing really has come close to it, thankfully (shit, I just remembered there's elections in 2012....time to start packing my bags, I guess). Funny story about AMLO (Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador), the PRD Presidential candidate, he proved he was absolutely bat shit insane by inaugurating himself as the "legitimate" President. Politics down here are a mess, let's just leave it at that...

If you were to lazy to read the whole blog post, here's what you need to know: 

- As an expat or tourist, NEVER state your own opinion regarding politics unless: A) you know the person you're chatting with pretty well, or B) you know what the hell you're talking about.


- If you ever wind up stuck in a manifestacíon at some point and you think it can't possibly get any worse, just be thankful you weren't stuck in traffic when the nudists in the Zocalo

- From what I've learned over the years, all the political parties down here are the bad guy.

- Stay the hell away from Reforma or the Centro on holidays or whenever there's a government event somewhere (like the State of the Union address they give on September 1st).  

Smoking and the Law

Evil never looked so good...

Now this post is only really geared to smokers, so if you don't smoke (or plan on smoking in the near future) feel free to skip this.  

Where you can smoke: Since 2008, smoking laws down here have gotten increasingly harsher. In the good ol' days (1998 - 2008, for me anyways), you could smoke wherever the hell you wanted and most restaurants didn't even bother with smoking sections. Nowadays, restaurants and bars (and yes, even clubs) are officially non-smoking zones. But, this being Mexico, there's always a loophole.

Restaurants noticed that they were losing money due to people, who would regularly order drinks and coffee to accompany their after-meal cigarette, were just getting the hell out of Dodge after dinner. So, to get around this, most places just said "to hell with it" and just lopped a section off of the restaurant/bar and created smoking sections that, theoretically complied with the law, since you really weren't smoking "in" the restaurant. Some places, however, just said "screw it" and opened up windows where the smoking section used to be.

Sadly for us smokers, the government got wise to the scheme and just started closing places down, especially around where I live. As such, we smokers have been reduced to having to go outside and light up (what are we, bums?). Which, now that it's the rainy season, is just freakin' great...

I'm guessing we'll all be using these by next year...

       

Clubs: Clubs mostly don't give a flying f### about the smoking law. Since most of the club owners just pay off the cops when they do inspections (money really does make the world go round), you can get away with smoking. So if you are a non-smoker (and apparently the vast majority of the world's population is these days) and you feel like going clubbing, get ready to smell like an ashtray once you get home.

One of the funniest things I've seen clubs do down here to "comply" with the law is to simply not use ashtrays. I guess the argument is supposed to go something like "There's clearly no smoking going on here! Do you see any ashtrays on the tables?". Instead, you just get, in some cases and places, cut up aluminum cans that serve as makeshift ashtrays. Although, I do question the logic behind putting sharp, metal objects on tables in closed environments where you can literally drink yourself stupid. It's like a recipe for the most heinous bar fight ever.

Like this, but filled to the brim with cigarette butts

 The moral of today's story: Smokers are a tenacious lot. Where there's a will there's always a way.

Oh, before I forget, VERY IMPORTANT: If you are one of those incredibly annoying people who make coughing noises around smokers to get them to move, down here, you're really just asking for trouble. My advice, unless you want to catch a severe beating or the odd cigarette burn, just don't do it.

Boozing around town: Where you can and can't drink

    A good way to get arrested in this city is to drink on the street (which includes open containers of alcoholic beverages). Mexico City is NOT Cancun or Vegas. The cops here are in no way screwing around with that law. Pushing your luck like that is a great way to spend two or three days in jail (unless you work for the embassy and have diplomatic immunity, which, if that's the case you should probably consider rehab). Anyways, drinking on the street here isn't exactly considered classy and seems to be the domain of hobos and crazy folk.   

Pictured: Cops in no way screwing around

Now that I've added some info on what should be just plain common sense, let's skip right to the good part: where to drink. Now, drinking is a huge part of life down here, and that goes double if you're here on business, since most business deals and meetings with clients take place in a restaurant/bar setting. That's not to say that the population consists of raging alcoholics, but if you plan on doing business or living down here, you'd better learn to hold your drink.

Don't worry if you absolutely hate tequila, most people I know don't even touch the stuff. The real poison of choice for the masses seems to be beer and rum (Bacardi being by far the most popular choice), personally I drink the same stuff I drink back in the states: good ol' vodka. Truth be told, you can get just about anything to drink down here, from ridiculously old and expensive scotch to absinthe (which I highly recommend trying at least once, it's really not that bad). For all your booze shopping needs try: La Europea (kind of like an über-liquor store), and strangely enough the department stores Liverpool and the Palacio de Hierro (I still have no clue what they were going for with those store names, I mean, is Liverpool reknowned for its' fashion?). 

If you simply must do your drinking in a public environment (you people disgust me...), trust me, go to a bar. Nightclubs in this city seem to be the domain of damn dirty teenagers with more money than brains. It's kind of a right of passage in Mexico City society, you go to clubs until your early twenties (like 22 tops) and then you upgrade to bars. One important caveat, what kind of club you go to is also important, clubs that play rock/heavy metal/alternative like the Bulldog Cafe are a socially acceptable place to go to up until you're in your thirties. The basic rule of thumb here is: if they at some point play live music or a famous band (for example I saw Radiohead at the Bulldog Cafe once many moons ago) deems the venue worthy of a visit, you can go there in your mid-late-twenties. If not, and it's just a so-called fresa (translation: preppy) club, you're just going to look like the creepy old man/cougar who is trying oh so desperately hard to look young.

Since I'm kind of gearing this blog toward twentysomethings like me, I'm going to stick to the safe bet: bars and snobby restaurants. Now, I'm not telling you not to go to the, ahem, scenic parts of town (Downtown especially), because there are actually some very good places to eat and drink down there. What I am telling you is, unless you want to get A) hopelessly lost B) stuck in the middle of a mass protest (oh yeah, those happen here like almost daily) or C) stuck in some of the most ridiculous traffic ever, I would steer clear from there until you have gotten your bearings around town. But if you simply MUST see the Zocalo (that enormous plaza in the middle of Downtown, or El Centro), take a cab or a tour bus (Turibus), stay the hell away from the subway (which gets you there fast, at the cost of your wallet, since in some busy stations, the subway is swarming with pickpockets) and buses (just because, well, the drivers drive like they are on shrooms and they're not exactly the most hygenic of environments).

The areas you really want to go for are places like San Angel, Santa Fe, Polanco and Reforma which should be your chosen stomping ground if you like louge-type places with snobby clientele (who doesn't, am I right?), the Condesa (although parking is a real bitch) and Coyoacan if you're feeling a little bohemian and want some good places to do your drinkin' but don't feel like paying a whole lot. Anything outside of these districts is a bit iffy.

As I wrote above, the Centro is a great place to go if you want to check out museums (which are surprisingly good) and the famous Cathedral (yawn), but due to the monstrous amount of traffic and sheer urban chaos, it should be avoided like the plague. That being said, I recommend La Opera, one of the city's oldest cantinas: good food, good booze (and not too expensive), and, oh yeah, a bullet hole in the ceilling made by Pancho "Don't Mess With Me Or I'll Cut You" Villa back during the Mexican Revolution (1910 to depends on who you ask). Other places are a little more off the beaten path and require a little more familiarity with the area (which if anyone wants I'll gladly go down and do some recon), so I can't really vouch for other bars in the neighborhood.



Always a good decision

As a side note, "Estas Pedo?" means, "Are you drunk?", not "Are you fart?"... 

So what have we learned today:

- Drink on the street/sidewalk/middle of the road and the police will end you

- If you aren't a pretty adventurous person, stay away from Mexico City's Downtown, and especially don't get drunk there.

- Drinking here is pretty much the same as anywhere else in the world (well, aside from the crime and all that junk)

- If you aren't a regular drinker back home, chances are a 16 year old Mexican high school student can out drink your sorry ass.

Since I really haven't even begun to scratch the surface on the topic of drinking, I'll probably do another one of these sometime in the near future.... Next Topic: Smoking (if you don't smoke, well, good for you, do you want a medal or something?)

Mexico City... Dreary Urban Hellhole or Paradise?

    Mexico City is big, really big. With some 20 or so million inhabitants, an area of 3,000 sq. miles, and an elevation of 7,349 ft above sea level, your first impression of this city will be something along the lines of "What the F-?". Moving here is pretty daunting and most of the people I know who voluntarily chose to come here will tell you that the first few months they were here were either awful or amazing. 
 
   

     Awful, because, like moving to any new city, you're going to have to learn to make your way around town. Unfortunately, this city's streets are, pardon my French, a fucking mess. Numbers on buildings seem to have been put there just for decoration and (like in the case of my block) most of the times, they don't even pretend to follow a rational sequential order. I'd also go into the language barrier, but let's be honest, if you're moving to a country and you don't at least have a rudimentary understanding of the language, you have no business being there. That, and, well, almost EVERY single person in the service or retail industry at least knows some English or has an associate nearby who does. The whole 7,000 feet above sea level coupled with the pollution really does a number on some people, especially if you have asthma or if you're from a city that's at sea level, but if you're from Denver, you'll feel right at home.   

   

     Amazing because: You know people who already live here (you crafty buggers)

  

     Now don't get me wrong, I love it here. But learning to love this city takes time, effort, and lots of booze. I first moved down here when I was 15, and let me tell you, this city was paradise. Whereas in the States I'd have to pick up a fake ID and go to crappy dive bars, here, with the right crowd, you could get into some of the nicest clubs and bars in the country. The nightlife in this city is nothing short of amazing now (except for all those pesky police checkpoints looking for potential D.U.I's, the only law they actually seem to enforce really...), but back in 1998 is was pure madness. It was like living in New York in the 80's, with just a slightly higher crime rate. But I guess the city has changed for the better since then, even if some of my friends hate to admit it (damn smoking and open bottle laws....), but don't let the surveillance cameras on the street corners and the constantly patrolling police cars fool you, the cops down here don't even give a 1/10th of a shit about their jobs compared to cops in the good ol' U.S. of A. Depending on what side of the law you usually find yourself on, that can either be a good thing or a bad thing.

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                       Whatever you do, don't piss them off. There ain't no Miranda Rights down here.

     
     Oh, yeah, by the way, Mexico's judicial system considers you guilty until proven innocent, so, if you get picked up for something serious, enjoy your stint in Mexican prison while awaiting trial (f.y.i, based on what I've heard from friends busted for D.U.I's, Mexican jail is really, really, really awful....).

     
     So now that I've gotten some of the basics out of the way with this post, the next post can be something fun, like, I don't know, booze....            

So here I am. A stranger in a strange land....well, not really

     I originally decided to start this blog mainly to document my latest attempt to quit smoking. This was clearly headed for disaster. As such, I've decided to keep the blog idea and just document my life living as an expat in Mexico City, along with whatever other random ideas and thoughts fill my ever so ADHD addled head. Mostly, I think this blog is headed the way of a pseudo-tourist-guide to Mexico City (at least until I get a better idea).

     Let's start with the basics: I'm a 27 year old American living in the Western Hemisphere's largest city (sorry New York) and I've lived here on and off for 10 years or so. I'm not kidding about the "largest city" part, Mexico City is friggin' huge. If you are contemplating a visit or getting transferred down here and you're not from L.A., New York or Chicago (or really any other densly populated city with mind-blowing traffic) get ready for a surprise. With a population of "Who-the-hell-knows-since-the-census-down-here-sucks" (although the best estimate puts the number at 21.2 million people) and more cars than people in my home city of San Diego, California, this city can be intimidating as hell.

     I'll try to update this blog as often as I can, but since I am probably one of the most disorganized people living in the world today, I make no promises. That is, assuming anyone actually ever reads this...